This is just pure, raw and awesome truth right here.
Rose Walker's I Hate Love speech from Neil Gaiman's The Kindly Ones/Sandman Series.
Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
That is why I just typed "Wow, this blank text window looks intimidating," back there. So I there would be text, and so that this window would not look so intimidating.
I am such an awesome writer.
Wow, I just cracked a joke! Okay, getting back to blogging is just like riding a bike after...not...riding a bike for a long time. Here goes nothing.
I was reading some of my old posts from 2004 to get back into the groove of blogging, and maybe find inspiration for a new post, but as any self-hating person would do, I thought they sucked ass. Big time. It's wierd, though. Amidst all the shit my mind is saying, reacting to my old posts, the one thing that actually triggered me to write a new post is this gem:
"Aw, fuck."
And then it hit me. That's why I started blogging in the first place! To complain! Rant! Swear! Spew vitriol! Acid! To do all of these things oh so freely! Fuckety-fuck!
So whenever I'm having a hard time thinking of a topic for a post, I'll remember that incredibly awesome expression, and go back to my blogging roots. And complain. And also, swear. A lot.
It's been quite a while since I posted something here, and as I have stared at the screen for more than five minutes with my index fingers positioned on the 'F' and 'H' keys, I have come to the realization that I need to form coherent sentences.
Yeah, preferrably not like that one I just wrote.
But.
Minutes have passed again, and I still cannot think of one good thing to write about, so I will write about many things! That are not really that good to write about, but hell, fuck it!
* * *
David Sedaris, who is a brilliant humorist, visited Manila last August to promote his books. I couldn't make it to any of the signings, so I asked my friend PJ to buy me a copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day and have it signed. I called him up and asked how the signing went, and he told me that instead of David's stock messages like, "Bawal umihi dito," I got a personal message, "I'm so angry I missed you." He told me that he made up some story that I was out of the country on a business trip, which wasn't far from the truth. I mean, "out of the country"..."just got back here"..."business trip"..."7 months and 2 weeks". Tomato, tomahto. Thanks again, PJ.
* * *
I missed The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I headed for the Coffee Bean across the street when I first went to the office, since I got back. I can drink specialty ice blended drinks and lattes again, since they aren't costing me more than 3 dollars anymore. I have taken a liking, though, for brewed coffee. Add some half and half and 2 Equals, and I'm good to go.
* * *
Volleyball is still fun, but not as fun as it used to be. Some people aren't playing anymore, and we only joined one league this year. We also don't get to practice as much as we used to, so our fundamentals are suffering, and it's affecting our game. It's sad. We could've won at least one set against the last two teams that we went up against.
* * *
I miss Comedy Central.
* * *
I think I'm in denial. I think Napoleon Dynamite is awesome, but I still haven't watched the movie without falling asleep halfway through. I think at the end of the movie, there was some wedding...or event that involved two people facing each other, holding both hands, while a lot of people stared.
...TBS for showing old episodes of Charmed, ER, and -- Lord -- Judging Amy. Now I want to watch all of the episodes that I missed. Especially ER, Jesus, that's eleven seasons of catching-up to do.
...ER. You are actually an interesting show, after all. Very endearing characters. Okay, some endearing characters.
...John Leguizamo, why are you on ER? Here, I thought you were playing a serious character, and then he spazzed. He totally spazzed. Like every other character that you play. Annoying.
...Cosi and your $8 salads. And the nice warm bread that comes with it. Love your coffee, though. Keeps me awake until 3am.
So here's my blog. Alive. Again. With a new layout!
"What has Pao been up to ever since he went to the U.S.?" you may ask. "Not much," I say, "Not much." Wow, I haven't written for so long that I may have multiple punctuation errors in that last sentence. There are some highlights, though, and by "highlights" I mean things that Pao did aside from work.
Here they are! Highlights!
First trip to D.C. Monuments! Photo opportunities! Photo opportunities in front of and/or beside monuments! Yes, I had the proverbial picture taken of me with the Washington Memorial (or as I lovingly call it, "the big phallus") at the background. I also visited-- no, stood outside and took a picture of-- the White House. The most awesome part of this day was my brief visit to the Museum of Natural History, where I saw dinosaur fossils. Dinosaurs! T-Rex! Velociraptors! Triceratops! and...Diceratops? Oh wow, there are Diceratops. I did not know that. Ah, a childhood dream fulfilled.
New Year's at New York. Awesome. Met up with Godsister. Got drunk on my first night at a bar in SoHo. Barely remembered having a Gray's Papaya hotdog as hangover 'breakfast' at 3:00 AM. Or was it 4:00 AM? See? I don't remember. Commuted on my own from New Jersey to New York City on my second day. Wasn't able to be at Times Square to see the ball drop, but got drunk (again!) and sang videoke with Godsister (who is the best ever!) and her relatives. Also got to spend time with my college friend who lives in Brooklyn, and walked around the West Village and Chelsea. We had dinner and Cosmopolitan's at Carmine's, and watched Brokeback Mountain at the AMC theater in Times Square.
Grocery Shopping. Discount cards are awesome. So, very, awesome. Thanks to one of my fellow assignees here, I now wait for the weekly circulars of Giant, Safeway, and CVS every Saturday night. Wow. That is sad. Nonetheless, I have now become a wise shopper. Note that I have become a wise grocery shopper, because...
Outlet Mall Shopping. Damn you multitude of outlet malls in Virginia. That's quite a considerable amount of money you took away from my iPod fund. But. Hee. Steve Madden shoes! Hollister shirts! Aeropostale shorts! They're mostly stuff for spring, but hello 30F weather and flurries, you are still here. Why?
That's it for now. Will have more updates. Wow, that sounded like a status email. I need to force myself to write the way I used to.
It's snowing right now, which is good, since I am working this weekend. Albeit from home, I could still be doing other stuff. Like watch T.V.! Or or have a movie marathon! Or sleep! Sleep! Who am I kidding? I'm trapped here in my apartment, because it's snowing outside, bored out of my brains, so even if I didn't have to work, I might as well work. Crap.
Snow is nice, especially when I watched it fall for the first time. All white and fluffy, it's like someone is grating styrofoam into an electric fan. But then again, I watched it fall, while I was inside a climate controlled building. Reality hit me when I actually had to go out and function like a normal human being. Then it's just a bother -- it's cold, it hit my face thereby making me feel colder, it's slippery, and did I mention it's cold? And when it's through, and all of my surroundings are white, looking very clean and pristine, I smile again at the prettiness. And then grimace after a day or two, because the pretty pretty white surroundings have turned into slosh and black ice.
So yay! Snow! Pretty! For a while. 6-10 inches they say, this weekend.
and he told me that instead of David's stock messages like, "Bawal umihi dito," I got a personal message, "I'm so angry I missed you." He told me that he made up some story that I was out of the country on a business trip, which wasn't far from the truth. I mean, "out of the country"..."just got back here"..."business trip"..."7 months and 2 weeks". Tomato, tomahto. Thanks again, PJ.
I think I'm in denial. I think 
